The Breakup

Hey, New York. 

We need to talk. 

[Takes deep breath]

When I came to you at the beginning of the year, I was looking for something different. Something challenging. A change. And when I came to you, I knew I'd be getting all of those things, and probably even much more.

Throughout our six months together, you've taught me many valuable things... about myself, about life and how to live it, about happiness and how to find it. Because of you, I was able to stand face-to-face with my weaknesses and turn them into strengths; I was able to convince myself to stop running away and to face my fears head-on, with that voice inside my head cheering me on, saying, "So what if it scares you? Do it anyway."

And you taught me how to live like a New Yorker... how to push my way onto a packed Q train during rush hour, how to hail a cab like a boss, and how to navigate my way effortlessly to that restaurant I love on 60th between 2nd and 3rd. I hung out in the West Village, read books in Central Park, fought the crowds in Grand Central, and went to shows on Broadway. I got a great job that introduced me to some fantastic friends, and at the end of the day I would venture back to my little Brooklyn fourth-floor walkup where my kitty would greet me and my roommate and I would hang around and talk about life. 

Somewhere along the way, my path crossed with a beautiful brunette who helped me see the city through different eyes, and who shared some of my favorite New York moments with me. And I would of course be remiss if I didn't mention all the amazing adventures I got to go on with my favorite short-haired blonde… We drank coffee and tried to figure out life over greasy diner breakfasts, took a few afternoon walks through peaceful and picturesque cemeteries, and enjoyed lovely city dinners coupled with many glasses of margaritas. 

But… there were things about you, New York, that got me to thinking that maybe we wouldn't be a perfect match. I made lots of sacrifices and came to several compromises in order to be with you. I traded in my large, Akron apartment for a tiny room in a dirty building with lots of stairs and no laundry room. I gave up my Mustang and quiet morning commute for the loud and densely-packed, often-delayed subway. I left a job that I did well for one that I knew nothing about, and I moved away from my family and friends to an unfamiliar and intimidating place. But that's what people have to do when they decide they want to be with you: they give up things. They make changes. But at the end of the day, I realized that maybe I wasn't willing to give up those things or make those changes anymore. 

Really for the first time in my life, I took a major risk. I left everything that was safe and comfortable, but that's what we need to do every once in a while in order to learn and allow ourselves to grow. Life would be far less interesting if we always played it safe and never took risks, and that's not how I want to live. I want to experience things, and continually challenge myself. It's never easy going beyond our comfort zone, but sometimes "easy" isn't always the best way to go about this whole living thing. Had I never come to you, it may very well have been something I'd always regret… something I'd always wonder about.

What's it like to live in New York City?

And I'd always have to answer, I don't know, I never tried it. 

But now I know.

Maybe you and I just weren't meant to be together... maybe the stars just didn't align with us this time. But I'm always going to love you. I'll always come back to visit you. And Heaven knows, because of everything you've done for me, I'm certainly never going to forget you and every magical moment we spent together. You showed me that I'm stronger than I ever thought I could be, braver than I ever knew I would be, and more resilient than I ever could've imagined. I walk more confidently now because of you... I'm a bit more proud of what I've accomplished. Now I feel like I have a better handle on what I want in life, and I believe in myself more than I think I ever have before. 

So thank you. No matter where my path takes me next, I'm going to keep you in my heart, along with everything you've taught me. I'll be thinking of you often, and how I felt when I walked your streets for the first time, filled with uncertainty, but at the same time, with great anticipation for what you had waiting for me around the next corner. I may be leaving for now, but I leave with more than I had when I came... I leave as a better version of myself.