Let's do this, 2015

Often times around the holidays, my mom will recall the moment when she heard me say my first word... We were driving around in the car looking at Christmas lights in the neighborhood, and in one moment, I raised my finger and pointed out the window and said, "ite." And I think every year since then, if I'm with my mom and we see Christmas lights, she'll say to me, "See the ites?"

Festive holiday lighting and decorations are truly one of the most magical elements of the Christmas season. And several years ago, I added a line to my mental bucket list to visit New York at Christmastime and see the city decorated and lit up for the holidays, most especially the famous tree at Rockefeller Center. So last year, I traveled a bit farther east to the "world's capital" to visit a very dear friend and check out the splendor that is December in NYC.

It was everything I hoped for and even a bit more, and I started to feel like that kid again, pointing out the car window at all the "ites" on the houses blurring by, lighting up the night with the colors of Christmas. But at the same time, 2013 had ended up being a difficult year for me as I struggled with a loss in my personal life. The holidays are supposed to make your heart feel full, but mine was feeling mostly empty then because I was missing someone.

After being hopeful that maybe 2014 would be better for me, more hardships kept coming along, and day after day following the beginning of the year, things just kept getting more and more difficult. But all the while I knew the best way out would be to make a change and an effort to move on.

My plan became to first get a new job and leave the one I was no longer happy at. The second change I knew I needed to make was to move out of my current apartment and into a new living space, so in April I started packing boxes, knowing in my mind what my end goal had become.

Initially, I was applying to jobs in Ohio, mainly Cleveland and Columbus, planning on staying close to home. After months of hearing "Thanks for applying, BUT..." from potential employers, I decided to expand my search to other states. After nine months of job searching, I still find myself exactly where I started, spinning my wheels and getting nowhere... still in the same apartment but now with a slightly larger stack of boxes and significantly greater need to get out.

As it turns out, 2014 has been an utterly terrible year. But when 2015 starts, I've made the decision not to let it begin the same way 2014 had. Sometimes instead of waiting for opportunities to arise, you have to create them. We have to give ourselves things to look forward to in life.

I'll be heading to New York again in February, but this time, I won't be returning to Ohio. I'm going to take a giant leap out of my comfort zone and start a new life... holding tight to the people and memories that I love, and taking a deep breath before working to let go of everything else that's been weighing me down. It will be the beginning of an intimidating process of change, and of an incredible new adventure for me.

I'm not 100% ready. But my good friend told me that if I waited until I felt 100% ready, I would never leave. I've waited long enough to be ready; now it's time to just go.